germinate from this seed.
changes induced within this body.
i've grown to be this steady tree.
u r still this seed waiting for the sun to cast its magic.

"pointless repinings"

-Oryx and Crake

once upon a time a raging river gradually followed its course to a miserable wallowing of a stream. a (not)lonely stream, streaming alone. though you get the general idea that life's happening somewhere else and obviously without you, but still the mere trickle that exists is enough to satisfy you and your thirst, whether its a subconscious one or not.

and what is there left to say except the tired refrain, sorry. but the worst (ignore the negativity of that word) part is that you aren't sure anybody cares anyway and one day when it matters, as it will, you know it's going to hit you so hard like a ton of bloody bricks that life's going to be even worse (triple in the negative) than you know it can be. taking a leave of absence once in a while is justified, but biting off a whole chunk simply because i feel like it seems too wantonly selfish to try and explain.
took this off my friend's blog.
thought it aptly describe what i am feeling.

One country that isn't developing some terrible weapon, or has a secret military base under the mountains... Jamaica... Jamaica would never make an atomic bomb, they may make an atomic bong - when the atomic bomb goes off, theres devestation and radiation, but when the atomic bong goes off, theres celebration

man who runs in front of bus gets tyred.
man who runs after bus gets exhausted.

don't blame love for all that you did not recieved
but for all the love that you have, but did not give

i know this is a little late,
but i have been thinking about it.
i still refuse to concede to the fact that
marriage is an easy thing.
if relationships are already difficult to deal with,
what more being binded together with somebody
for the rest of your lives?

i sat down with the boys and watched two soccer matches in one sitting, ate calbee hot and spicy potato chips and peanuts, drank plain water and screamed along.
so amazed.
felt like a boy.

"Bring Me To Life"

i am sinking deeper into the arms of cynicism.
losing my faith and my heart.
it doesn't matter anymore.
nothing matters.

we will have many adventures together

compromises,
easier said than done.

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there maybe in silence.
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexation to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career.
However humble, it's a real possesion in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.
Many persons strive for high ideals and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nuture strength of spirit to shield you from sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
Whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

i am making a mockery out of love.

im resigned.
no expectations, no obligations-two good things
im not worrying.



by the way people, i got into NUS.

a frozen heart.

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!" -Alexander Pope

maybe there is an eternal beam in having no memories. is that it?
nothing to hold on to for dear life.
like wat mj said, even the simplest of things amazes you. like a newborn; vision blurred yet when eyes are open to the world, it smiles when you do.
but each moment is etched as its next memory.
there is no spotless mind, is there?

leave them alone

wat's exactly a blog?
no one has ever explained nor have i asked.....
after reading countless,the enigma remains.....
awaits someone to unveil wat many asked.....
i sense strong emotions-those of great depth; be it love or hatred-in many.....
could it be a tool that relieves oneself of its emotional obligations?????
i sense cryptic in words, sentences, phrases and even quotations engineered by the great ones.....
could it be a mask one wears to avoid direct contact; to camouflage oneself n yet wanting to declare ur existence????? (dunno whether u call tis oxymoronic behaviour)
i sense honesty, truth, frankness, happiness, joy, ecstasy and wat haf u.....
could it be wat's exactly a blog?????

PS:for the benefit of the english not so well-done ppl out there like mi..... SPARE US THE VOCABS......PEACE GUYS........

acknowledge, admit, believe, coming to terms with, concede, acceptance.
not acknowledging the past but wanting to embrace the present and future.
not acknowledging the being's history is fundamentally not admitting to the being as a whole; who cares about its present or future then?
doesnt work this way.

call me cynical.
but i find it hard to believe what you say.
once bitten twice shy.

the aussie pictures are out!
i cut my hair,
it is pretty short now, but stilll long. it looks crappy.

been patronising orchard road for 6 days in a row.
feels good to hang out at familiar places.
walking along the streets,
i see a familiar face or two.
and i cringe.
i notice the space between each person.
everyone stepping over my invisible boundary.
shoulders brush across, shopping bags slapping into my legs,
conversations a ear away.
the mask slips back on.
the familiar steps played out, flawlessly.
it was always there,
grilled at the back of my mind.
it just takes some getting used to.

unconcious
another breath escapes my body
feeling my time slowly seeping away
gently remove me from this existance
my plight, my plight has gone to waste
quench my thirst wif another breath
hold it i tried, hold it there
an estacy of thoughts run wild on top
progress from being placid to the next raging wave
now i must give way
my body screaming for me to stop this pain
exhale inhale, exhale inhale
a single beat drumming, humming tunes
quietly singing my life away

it's all good.
she's no longer sitting on the fence watching, waiting, wondering.
she rationalises everything now and sees it the way her head tells her.
wonder if she feels exactly the way her head thinks.
everything is done in the most logical manner, everything is weighed in grams; right down to the decimal places.
she cannot share that part of your life with you because she cannot accept it and that hurts more than anything else.
i guess it's not all good.

No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world.

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage, since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.

If you are alone you belong entirely to yourself... If you are accompanied by even one companion you belong only half to yourself, or even less, in proportion to the thoughtlessness of his conduct, and if you have more than one companion you will fall more deeply into the same plight

The body is a house of many windows. There we all sit, showing ourselves and crying on the passers-by to come and love us.

"many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness".. don't think too much...
occupy ya boredom.. dun let it control ya

now that i am looking more closely at the new blog,
i think the clownish figure is quite freaky.
i am so bored so bored so bored.
i am starving for company, and by company i mean 24/7.
extreme.
yes i am an extreme person.
because sometimes i can be alone, just cooped up at home for the entire month.
already, i feel like going away.
to be anywhere else but here.
just for information, in case anyone is interested.
i stopped looking for myself a long time ago.
i just failed to mention it that night, not that it would have changed anything.
now that i think about it,
i can hardly remember any truths that you guys said.
i will just go crazy again if i start searching for the real me.
what is the point.
i don't know myself.
ya right, i am just afraid of being myself.

i am like an ocean after a storm,
a facade of calmness and peacefulness on the surface,
yet if you look beneath me,
the next signs of storm is lurking around,
emotions swirling around,
waiting just for the right moment.

i see you walking step by step,
deeper and deeper into the waters.
i stand by helplessly,
torn apart,
not knowing to reach out for you,
or to follow you.
you never turn back once.

IMPOSSIBLE IS JUST A BIG WORD THROWN AROUND BY SMALL MEN
WHO FIND IT EASIER TO LIVE IN A WORLD THEY'VE BEEN GIVEN
THAN TO EXPLORE THE POWER THEY HAVE TO CHANGE IT
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOT A FACT
IT'S A OPINION
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOT A DECLARATION
IT'S A DRIVE
IMPOSSIBLE IS POTENTIAL
IMPOSSIBLE IS TEMPORARY
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING

my clock is either going too fast or too slow, i can't control
i'm not restin enuf, not awake enuf, not sure enuf if i'm norm
this topsy turvy swing of energy has taken a toll,gently weakening my body
translate every single word in my mind that i wanna say into this little writting that spells opposite of wat i intended to express.
think i might as well rest
the night has only just begun but i'm already ahead of the mass

never felt at ease typing or writing my train of thoughts. words just dont seem to form as fast as when i think out loud to myself but i just wanna say i appreciate all thats happened in de past three wks. even appreciate the nerve getting moments, everything boils down to us being human. thanks for letting me into another side of you that i probably would never ever see. thanks for letting me tread on soft grounds.

jus dawned upon me how altruistic some people can be; so selfless, so sacrficial, utterly giving and not wanting anything back.
so consumed by that.
makes me want to re-live it.

Thoughts

sitting here staring blankly at the walls
a cocktail of thoughts run through my mind
the house feels incomplete now that everything has been reduced sixfold
kindred spirits i hope we all have become, in perpetuity
thinking of how much long we've stuck together brings a smile to my face
the true brilliance of life shows its form

shadows of thoughts and secrets were revealed
regardless of the many that we choose to let linger,
i do know that talking liberates many things, many of which will be of help
you will not be judged

tears of joy skip down my face
lucky i am, to have been part of this trip
may another cache of such time arrive soon
for feelings of anxiety consume my mind

the clock ticks, the sun sets, the air cools, and another day passes
all is, and will be well with time

may you have a good nights rest my friends, you deserve it

trying to fight my overwhelming tiredness.
trying to savour this moment,
because when the sun rises,
it is another day for all of us.
many many thanks, to kelvin, andreas and tian li.
for being so accomodating to 6 people, trying their best to attend to all our needs, yet at the same time trying to deal with their own.
thanks ain't good enough, but this is as good as i can get at 5 am in the morning.
tomorrow, all this becomes a part of memory.
what have been said have been said. a clean slate for some of us, a closure, a beginning.
cliche as it may sound, life goes on, people move on.
just a reminder,"Lest We Forget".

it has been a while since mi n my buddies r away from home...i'm sure we guys enjoyed the trip so far...even though it maybe tiring when travelling from one state to another...aniway we will be returning home veri soon...

man!!! sure it's better here wif the dudes.. seems right now..everything in place...appreciate aunty angela lots.. thank her for putting up wif our attitudes and our demands.. wat a great host.. the highlight of our days at brisbane!

happy and sad that this journey is about to end.

1 more year, 365 days, 52wks, 8760hrs, 525600mins, 31536000s to liberty........

hei guys if u have anything in mind that u want us to help u purchase here in Oz pls tell us asap yea... n pls blog to reply!!! thanks.. n haf fun!

hey wei guang and tharin!
greetings from australia!
hey tian li, see ya tomorrow.
to andreas and kelvin,
many thanks.

i'll b seeing u guys soon yea...before that its an long n tiring journey to endure

i can't sleep.
i am up for an heart to heart conversation.
but there is nobody around.
and so i am blogging about my loneliness again.
it is the nights, when the world is asleep,
that makes it harder to get by.
maybe that is why we sleep at night, not in the afternoons or mornings,
because it is the nights that are the most difficult to get by.
one by one, people retire into their other world,
leaving me here on the other side.
i get more afraid by the moment.
wishing that i could turn the hands of time.
tick tock, tick tock,
the clocks tick in this deadly silence.
seconds and mintues pass,
but everything is still and quiet.

The Da Vinci Code rocks!
even though i just started reading it.
radiates the good book kind of feeling.
that sometimes life is worth living,
because of this one good book.

yo the people down under ask u something ... can our normal plug use in sg fits into ya local plug?? or do i hafta buy a multiplug to charge my digital equiments?

bloody hell,
stop piling all of your assumptions on me,
stop trying to analyse me
stop trying to understand me,
stop trying to think that you know me.
i dun want to have arguments with you anymore,
because you don't get it,
you never listen,
and then you get offended by my brutal honesty,
and said that i hurt you.
yaya, always me, never you.
if i don't even know myself,
what makes you think that you know me.
you come here and start sprouting all these theories,
of how i am trying to fight against myself,
you know what whatever,
i had enough of you.
this is the last time,
i am letting you get to me.
i swear.

in the morning later.. forgot to add

theres supposed to be a meteor shower around 5:50(aus-time), abt 3:50(s'pore-time)
the moon is supposed to be red as well..
that is if anyone is interested

heard from andreas that the temp is slowly dropping in oz so guys u knoe wat to do yea

i'm abit tired.. think i might as well call this to an end

perpetual bliss doesnt exist

thats a real bad piece of "good" news to me man...kindda ruined my money making gimmick!!!..damn!

ahah! exchange rate is $1.20 for AUS$1 now.. damn low.. gd luck with the papers man.. i hope u guys do well

The sun no longer baring down on a naked soul.
i feel a little life seeping back into me.