ive never felt this much exhaustion; ever. cant wait for my short getaway in 3days time.

i dont have high expectations; i merely demand the basic requirements to be fulfilled.
but maybe thats high to some. well then again im tryin not to give a rats ass anymore. but thats a tad difficult cuz i actually care.

just three nights ago, i was somewhat rattled up from sleep by my sister asking me if i had to go to work cuz she felt lazy and decided not to. i kinda stirred in my sleep about 2hours later when i opened my eyes to see a man carrying a shovel (the kind to dig the ground with dirt, grime and mud still on it) standing at the door of the bedroom staring at me. another man was carrying one of the paintings off the wall in my living room. i was still half asleep yet a quarter sober and i thought to myself "there are burglars in my house stealing paintings in broad daylight." i wondered where my sister was, maybe she was in her room with the door closed and didnt hear the burglars come in, i was hoping she wouldnt come out of her room or else the guy with the shovel would probably smash her head with it. then i thought maybe they already gagged and bound my sister up and i panicked. i actually contemplated reaching out for my phone which was lyin next to me to dial for the cops but i worried that if i did any little movement, the guy with the shovel was gonna come at me and smash my head in. so in the end i didnt dare move an inch and i closed my eyes and started praying. when i mustered enough guts to actually open my eyes again the men were gone. ive never felt so watched and threatened ever before and everything was sooo real like it was unfolding right there before my eyes that i literally got paralysed with fear. i dont think ive ever actually felt this much fear for my life before and it was a horrible feeling and "horrible" is still an understatement.
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